Hello my fabulous telly watchers. Now I know I may get a lot of hate for this post but I just cannot contain my dislike for the cringe-fest that is spinning chair, TV singing show The Voice UK.
This year the judging panel has gained two more incessantly giddy music moguls in the shape of Leeds native and front man of Kaiser Chiefs, Ricky Wilson and Australian hyperactive hamster, Kylie Minogue. They are joined by Voice veterans Tom Jones who looks like he's just been plucked from a nursing home and grammar abuser and Zorro impressionist, Will.i.am. I don't like the format of the show anyway and I think the novelty of the spinning chairs wore off about five minutes into the first episode of series one, but what I cannot stand is the way the judge's egos and constant need for attention overshadows the obvious talent of the contestants. I don't care if Ricky Wilson is asking Kylie Minogue if she's going to turn around or press her button or whatever and I especially don't want their whole meaningless exchange to be shown in subtitles on the screen which is totally distracting me from the singing! Grrr. My annoyance with the judges doesn't stop there. Has someone been slipping amphetamines in their pre-show tea? because they are fucking off their nuts. They bounce around in the chairs like hyperactive rabbits, especially Will.i.am and Kylie Minogue and constantly make torturous expressions over whether or not they should press the button which are again completely distracting and unnecessary.
In an attempt to make sure they don't become too much like the X-Factor, contestants are then faced with a choice of judges if more then one decide to turn around. This means we are forced to spend five minutes listening to them gush out reasons as to why they would be the best to 'mentor' them through the experience. It gives Ricky Wilson an opportunity to mention that he is from Leeds from the twenty millionth time and Will.i.am the chance to talk in some rap language about knowing how hard it is to break into the business etc. etc. Oh, and just when you think it can't get any worse, all of the judges sing some terrible arrangement of a song all together at the beginning of the show. It's literally shit but everyone seems to lap it up - I just don't get the attraction of this show.
Now, I don't know if it's true but there has been a lot of speculation as to whether the show is fixed and to be honest I suspect it is to a certain extent but I have no real evidence of this. Last year's winner Andrea Begley has a album out, did ya know? Nope, I didn't either until about five minutes ago when I Googled it which tells to you something about the impact of the show because after the judges have come down from their highs and the lights are dimmed, the poor talent is forgotten and that's just kind of sad - so much for being a mentor.
3/10
Monday 20 January 2014
Saturday 11 January 2014
Secrets Of Living Dolls
It's official people, I can no longer be shocked speechless. I seriously thought I had watched every show about secret hobbies and fetishes, from dressing as an adult baby to pretending to be disabled but this one was just beyond anything I could have ever anticipated. When Cliff Richard wrote that wonderfully cheery, if not slightly disturbing tune about his walking, talking, living doll I don't think it ever crossed his mind that people would turn it into something literal - never underestimate human capabilities Cliff.
So what is Secrets Of Living Dolls all about I hear you ask? Well it basically is an in depth look at the secretive world of female masking, a practice where men transform into women with the help of female rubber suits that look scarily real and masks which are less convincing but I suppose are that way because it's all part of the fake, dolly pretense. We meet several different 'maskers' including 70 year old Robert who lives in Orange County and who's masking costs him a fortune. His alter-ego is called Sherry, a blonde stunner who Robert has made his own by adding personal aspects to her 'skin' including his own hair to serve as pubic hair around her rubber vagina - realistic. He takes us through a traditional process of 'dollification' which includes talcing up the suit so he doesn't stick. I suppose one of the first things that struck me about all of this is that when they are fully dolled up, nothing really much changes in their life, they just sort of hang about and lounge in the sun which is dangerous because Sherry might melt and futile because the suit is made of rubber... I was actually expecting more abnormal stuff to happen after they put on the suit. Oh, but he does get a little pervy over taking pictures of him in the suit which is slightly off putting.
The creator of Fem Skin, the company that produces the suits, was originally a cabinet maker but apparently that didn't really have the demand so he switched to making the suits and masks. How? How did this happen? The programme fails to address this question really which is annoying. I wonder if he was also a masker? The company is family-run with mum Barbie the driving force and her sons chipping in to help design and produce the products. I have to admit, there's some craftsmanship that goes into these suits so it's unsurprising that they cost hundreds of dollars. Now before everyone puts on their 'this stuff only happens in America' face, it actually turns out that other countries including German mainly with the UK following along behind like some left out puppy, are becoming big consumers of these products.
Another masker we meet is Joel who to some people's surprise, and admittedly my own, has a girlfriend - I say this because I think we as a society and a nation stereotypically believe that anyone who engages in practices that are seen as abnormal must be a total freak all of the time but with Joel this just isn't the case. He also helpfully sheds some light on the reasons behind his hobby such as escapism and a sense of enjoyment. Ok, right yes I'm not saying that this is the mainstream and that we all must embrace female masking with open arms, I'm just saying it's a thing and these people who practice it just want to do so with out prejudice - do I think they will achieve this? Probably not in all ways because it is so taboo but maybe overtime female masking will have the same kind of movement towards acceptance as being a transvestite has in recent years.....?
Now, I have some problems with the actual suits. Firstly, they don't all fit great and I'm just saying that if I paid hundreds of pounds for something that was ill-fitting I would be pissed off. For instance, some of the masks are very lose which its not good and the wigs don't really do anybody justice because they all look so cheep, like something you wear for Halloween. Secondly, some of the people went for drives in the programme with these masks on which looked incredibly funny but was also like super dangerous! Bearing mind these masks only have like small eye holes surely it's not safe to be driving with them on....? Thirdly, if you are going to spend all that money on these state of the art suits then you surely can splash out a little on clothes because seriously all, and I mean, all of the clothes these men were wearing were not good. One was actually wearing a bin liner for a skirt - no joke people. I suppose you have to remember that you can pretend to be a woman all you want but if you have even a shadow of doubt about fashion then look at some magazines, don't bloody go out with terrible clothes on because it's not helping the cause. Finally, I would not be able to breathe, I would faint in those masks because the smell of rubber would make me sick.
I admire the frankly brave individuals who took part in this documentary and I wish them every success. Do I feel like I could accept the world of female masking? Probably in time, but you can't force acceptance on people and it's different in real life than on the telly. All I know is that it was a very entertaining and informative hour of telly.
8/10
So what is Secrets Of Living Dolls all about I hear you ask? Well it basically is an in depth look at the secretive world of female masking, a practice where men transform into women with the help of female rubber suits that look scarily real and masks which are less convincing but I suppose are that way because it's all part of the fake, dolly pretense. We meet several different 'maskers' including 70 year old Robert who lives in Orange County and who's masking costs him a fortune. His alter-ego is called Sherry, a blonde stunner who Robert has made his own by adding personal aspects to her 'skin' including his own hair to serve as pubic hair around her rubber vagina - realistic. He takes us through a traditional process of 'dollification' which includes talcing up the suit so he doesn't stick. I suppose one of the first things that struck me about all of this is that when they are fully dolled up, nothing really much changes in their life, they just sort of hang about and lounge in the sun which is dangerous because Sherry might melt and futile because the suit is made of rubber... I was actually expecting more abnormal stuff to happen after they put on the suit. Oh, but he does get a little pervy over taking pictures of him in the suit which is slightly off putting.
The creator of Fem Skin, the company that produces the suits, was originally a cabinet maker but apparently that didn't really have the demand so he switched to making the suits and masks. How? How did this happen? The programme fails to address this question really which is annoying. I wonder if he was also a masker? The company is family-run with mum Barbie the driving force and her sons chipping in to help design and produce the products. I have to admit, there's some craftsmanship that goes into these suits so it's unsurprising that they cost hundreds of dollars. Now before everyone puts on their 'this stuff only happens in America' face, it actually turns out that other countries including German mainly with the UK following along behind like some left out puppy, are becoming big consumers of these products.
Another masker we meet is Joel who to some people's surprise, and admittedly my own, has a girlfriend - I say this because I think we as a society and a nation stereotypically believe that anyone who engages in practices that are seen as abnormal must be a total freak all of the time but with Joel this just isn't the case. He also helpfully sheds some light on the reasons behind his hobby such as escapism and a sense of enjoyment. Ok, right yes I'm not saying that this is the mainstream and that we all must embrace female masking with open arms, I'm just saying it's a thing and these people who practice it just want to do so with out prejudice - do I think they will achieve this? Probably not in all ways because it is so taboo but maybe overtime female masking will have the same kind of movement towards acceptance as being a transvestite has in recent years.....?
Now, I have some problems with the actual suits. Firstly, they don't all fit great and I'm just saying that if I paid hundreds of pounds for something that was ill-fitting I would be pissed off. For instance, some of the masks are very lose which its not good and the wigs don't really do anybody justice because they all look so cheep, like something you wear for Halloween. Secondly, some of the people went for drives in the programme with these masks on which looked incredibly funny but was also like super dangerous! Bearing mind these masks only have like small eye holes surely it's not safe to be driving with them on....? Thirdly, if you are going to spend all that money on these state of the art suits then you surely can splash out a little on clothes because seriously all, and I mean, all of the clothes these men were wearing were not good. One was actually wearing a bin liner for a skirt - no joke people. I suppose you have to remember that you can pretend to be a woman all you want but if you have even a shadow of doubt about fashion then look at some magazines, don't bloody go out with terrible clothes on because it's not helping the cause. Finally, I would not be able to breathe, I would faint in those masks because the smell of rubber would make me sick.
I admire the frankly brave individuals who took part in this documentary and I wish them every success. Do I feel like I could accept the world of female masking? Probably in time, but you can't force acceptance on people and it's different in real life than on the telly. All I know is that it was a very entertaining and informative hour of telly.
8/10
Saturday 4 January 2014
Liberty Of London
Hello my fellow telly addicts. Channel 4 recently showed a three part documentary showing the inner workings of extravagant department store Liberty, situated in Regent Street in the centre of London. I really love these kinds of documentaries and this one totally lived up to my expectations. We were informed at the beginning of the series that Liberty has gotten a new managing director Ed Burstell, who is camp and brilliant. He treats his staff like equals, finding their strengths and praising them which is seen in one episode where he acknowledges the services and dedication of staff members who have been loyal to the store for years. He is the kind of portrayed as the boss that everyone kind of dreams of, friendly and approachable but not overbearing. I would really like to meet him and if Ed was to ever read this, just get in touch my love.
During the course of the series we meet some of the richest people in London, willing to spend upwards of £500 on baubles as a 'taster' of what the actual decorations of their Christmas tree will look like - It puts my '2 packs for £10' bargain baubles to shame. These rich clientele are treated like royalty and so they should be if they spend £2000 on a jumper! If you're dishing out the dough you expect the best in all areas and this is one of the founding principles of Liberty. I suppose my love of this programme is the fact it allows me to live vicariously through the stupidly rich. I actually felt as some points that I was shopping in the store, telling them not to buy that scarf because it's made from last seasons prints (as if I'd know). One of my favorite members of staff was Will from men's wear. He had such a good rapport with his customers and they actually just trusted him to make them look good so much so that if he said that the leather jacket don't look to hot then they didn't buy. Will was one of the top sellers at Liberty and he got commission for the sales he made but what makes the staff at Liberty extra special is that they seemed to like their job! Like I go into a shop and most of the time the assistant could care less if I can't find what I'm looking for or if they give me a bag with a hole in but at Liberty they care, and this leaves me with the question as to why it's only in the posh shops that customer service exists? Ok, well I know money but I'm forking over money in other shops to sometimes quite a bit so I just think the shopper needs a little more appreciation.
Liberty also plays host to some dazzling celebrity events. In the series, poor little Louie (I think that was his name and I apologise if it's not) was put in charge of managing a book signing and meet and greet for 'IT' girl Alexa Chung. Luckily he pulled it off but it was touch and go for a while. Oh and guess who was collaborating with Liberty to create a new and exclusive perfume, if you said Richard E Grant then you must be like psychic or have watched the show.
Overall this programme was a massive success as a documentary. Like there are literally loads more things that went on that A) I kind of can't remember because it was a few weeks ago and although I am dedicated to TV, I won't be watching the series again to make notes and B) the list is too numerous of the things I can remember. The only thing left for me to say is watch the show if you can on 4od because it's worth it.
10/10
During the course of the series we meet some of the richest people in London, willing to spend upwards of £500 on baubles as a 'taster' of what the actual decorations of their Christmas tree will look like - It puts my '2 packs for £10' bargain baubles to shame. These rich clientele are treated like royalty and so they should be if they spend £2000 on a jumper! If you're dishing out the dough you expect the best in all areas and this is one of the founding principles of Liberty. I suppose my love of this programme is the fact it allows me to live vicariously through the stupidly rich. I actually felt as some points that I was shopping in the store, telling them not to buy that scarf because it's made from last seasons prints (as if I'd know). One of my favorite members of staff was Will from men's wear. He had such a good rapport with his customers and they actually just trusted him to make them look good so much so that if he said that the leather jacket don't look to hot then they didn't buy. Will was one of the top sellers at Liberty and he got commission for the sales he made but what makes the staff at Liberty extra special is that they seemed to like their job! Like I go into a shop and most of the time the assistant could care less if I can't find what I'm looking for or if they give me a bag with a hole in but at Liberty they care, and this leaves me with the question as to why it's only in the posh shops that customer service exists? Ok, well I know money but I'm forking over money in other shops to sometimes quite a bit so I just think the shopper needs a little more appreciation.
Liberty also plays host to some dazzling celebrity events. In the series, poor little Louie (I think that was his name and I apologise if it's not) was put in charge of managing a book signing and meet and greet for 'IT' girl Alexa Chung. Luckily he pulled it off but it was touch and go for a while. Oh and guess who was collaborating with Liberty to create a new and exclusive perfume, if you said Richard E Grant then you must be like psychic or have watched the show.
Overall this programme was a massive success as a documentary. Like there are literally loads more things that went on that A) I kind of can't remember because it was a few weeks ago and although I am dedicated to TV, I won't be watching the series again to make notes and B) the list is too numerous of the things I can remember. The only thing left for me to say is watch the show if you can on 4od because it's worth it.
10/10
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